Excuse me sir, your lead is too long...

Excuse me sir, your dog's lead is too long.

And?

Well I'm issuing you with a fixed penalty.

You can go suck a dick if you think I'm paying that.

It's a fixed penalty, sir, and legally you have to pay it.  What is your name?

Not telling you.  Go fuck yourself.

You have to tell me, sir, it's a legal requirement.  Otherwise we wouldn't know who to post the ticket to.

Oh, really?  Well in that case, I repeat, for emphasis, go fuck yourself.

Don't swear at me sir, I'll call the police.

You go ahead you jumped-up little cuntwipe, I'll be long gone by the time they get here.  I can just see them making this a priority call.

I have the power to detain you until they arrive, sir.

Wrong.  You might think that, but if you don't take your hands off me right now, I'll break every finger you've got.  Now fuck the hell off out of my way.

I could go on.  I'm bored now though and I think you get the point.  You can see it happening though.  Completely unenforceable.

Why wasn't this child in care?

If ever there was a case for putting a child into care, this was surely it.

A Gloucestershire couple have pleaded guilty to two charges of cruelty to a 14-month-old baby who died from suspected methadone poisoning. 

 You fucking what?  Two drug addled wastes of semen gave methadone to a fucking infant in order to quieten it down?  Well excuse me, but even as one who reaches instinctively for a shotgun every time a neighbour's child cries, or a sprog in a pub starts squalling, there's no way I could ever actualy do something as utterly, utterly fucking retarded as to give a kid methadone.

I'm not blaming the councils here, but I do think that if a pair of druggie scumbags procreate, their offspring should be taken into care and adopted out immediately.  No questions, no appeals.  Because they are a scourge on society and do not deserve children.

I'm also curious as to why the Crown stuPidity disService decided to withdraw charges of manslaughter.  Surely it's clear that the actions of the druggie shitwipes caused the death of the kid, there is ne need to prove intent when charging constructive manslaughter or criminally negligent manslaughter and any jury would surely find these sacks of pustulent scum guilty.

A portion of Crispy Fried Thief please!

Finally, something to warm the cockles of my heart.  Though not, I hope, to the same temperature as the meat on this thieving cunt.  Serves you right, you cum-stain on the curtains of humanity; I hope you spend the rest of your years in excruciating agony.  That, or die.  Actually, please die.  It'll cost the NHS less.

Noisy cunts

Jesus fucking H Christ you noisy cuntbags, can't you have a good time on a Saturday night without shouting so fucking loud I can hear you clear across town?  Inconsiderate fucking asswipes.  I hope you die from cirrhosis or liver cancer.  Soon.

Another victory for effective gun control

Effective, knee-jerk gun control, brought in after the Hungerford and Dunblaine massacres today prevented another massacre.  In a parallel universe.  In this one, however, the knee-jerk reactions of the bansturbators proves once again that reactive measures are rarely, if ever, effective.

After Hungerford, semi-automatic weapons were banned for private citizens.

After Dunblaine, handguns were banned.

Now, since a shotgun was used, I predict that they, too will be banned with no regard to the consequences to farmers, sport shooters etc, exactly as when handguns were banned.

Legislation based on a knee-jerk reaction to the actions of one fucking nut job is always flawed, always nothing but political posturing.  Prove me wrong, coalition.  Please.

Yo Mama!

Hey!  Non existent sky fairy!  People are fucking yo mama!

Put a (wind)sock in it

For fuck's sake, Unite, get a grip.  If an employer fails to abide by some "minor, minor technicality" you lot are on them like a ton of bricks, forcing talks, complaining bitterly to the press and ultimately threatening industrial action.  How then is it that when you manage to fuck up a strike ballot with just such a "minor, minor technicality" you somehow feel that you should be let off.

We've done everything humanly possible but a minor, minor technicality to stop a democratic vote and ultimately a democratic lawful strike by our people is what this is all about.

No, it's not you brain-dead fuckwit.  By not being remotely competent you forgot to follow the rules.  Thus the strike is not lawful, thus shut the fuck up.

It's about stopping an effective trade union being effective in support of their members.

An effective trade union would know that it's vital to follow the rules and get things right.  You are therefore not an effective trade union and need to, I reiterate, shut the fuck up.

Oh, and

I don't blame British Airways - the law is wrong.

is just admitting that you fucked up and didn't act according to the law.  Fucking imbeciles.

Go suck a dick, you incompetent bunch of cuntwipes.

Shameful injustice

Back in January, a (presumably retarded) judge ruled that a mental Iraqi who murdered two NHS nurses in 1990 cannot be deported back to his shitty little country because he

could pose a danger to people in his homeland.

And this week a (presumably equally retarded) judge ruled that a British citizen who was found guilty at a trial widely held to be unjust must be deported to Portugal to serve a prison sentence.

There's something fundamentally wrong here.  Britain has lost its way and no longer recognises even itself as a sovreign state and bows to the will of the EUSSR and other foreigners.

Fuck you for ruining my country, all you politicians.  Fuck you all.

The word you're looking for is "prossies."

Tonight on the BBC there was a programme entitled "Five Daughters."  The blurb for the programme reads

The story of five young women murdered in Ipswich in the winter of 2006

Not a mention of the fact that they were prossies.  How very liberal progressive of you Aunty.

The destruction of a beautiful place

Give me back my beauty spot you fucking gippo cunts.